Ties That Bind Read online

  When she’d burned herself a little too badly playing with that fire, she’d carefully constructed her self worth by being the best at whatever she did. And she avoided love at all costs lest another loss remind her…. Had Gavin been right? Had she been trying to prove to Jack that he should love her?

  “Where are you right now?” Gavin’s voice interrupted her reverie.

  “Lost in my own crazy head,” Kate smiled at him, curling back up at his side. “I think I know my next step.”

  “Do you?” He twirled a strand of her hair in his fingers. “What is that?”

  “Well it’s more of a vague inkling than a solid plan,” she hedged. “But I do intend to talk to Jack today.”

  “I’ll go with you.”

  “I think you should go to work.” Kate shook her head. “Every office is made out of glass, you’ll get to see it all anyway.”

  “I’d planned on quitting today.”

  “Are we both going to live on our good looks?” Kate teased. “I mean, I know I’m ravishing, but that’s still a lofty expectation.”

  “Goofy wench,” He tickled her side. “I think I could find another job.”

  “But you wanted this job. And you work so well with Jessica and Liz. The three of you are an amazing team. This Jack thing will settle down and then you’d be sorry.”

  “It feels disloyal,” he scowled.

  “Don’t make a decision today,” Kate persisted. “At least cool off first. Then decide.”

  “I’ll give it a couple of days,” he finally promised. Ty whined to remind them he still needed to be walked.

  “Come on,” Kate stretched, suppressing a wince when she realized her chest was still sore from having scrubbed the skin raw the night before. “Let’s go walk our dog together.”

  “Only if you let me doctor up those scratches when we get back,” Gavin’s brow furrowed as he nodded to the angry red skin peeking out from under her pajama top.

  “It’s not that bad,” she argued.

  “Really?” he went to touch her above the heart and she couldn’t stop the wince. “That’s what I thought. We’ll stop in and buy some gauze at the corner drugstore.”

  “Fine,” she conceded. “Then you have to stop and buy me a bagel and coffee, too.”

  “Whatever you want,” he promised. Ty whined again and they both moved a little faster to slide on some jeans.

  Gavin didn’t want to let go of Kate the entire walk. They’d stood outside the drugstore for a full two minutes with her assuring him that she and Ty would be just fine while he bought whatever he felt was necessary to bandage her scrapes. Over and over, his fingers grazed her cheek tenderly. Time and again, he kissed her forehead or tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. It was Kate’s turn to bite the inside of her cheek to keep from chuckling at him. Some poor sap jostled Kate at a busy light and Gavin nearly growled, his arm encircling her protectively.

  “You do know that at some point, you’ll have to let me function on my own again?” She touched his face lightly as they stopped at her door.

  “At some point. I’m not there yet.”

  “I’m okay,” she reminded him. Truth be told, she didn’t want to let Gavin out of her sight anytime soon, either. But the longer he refused to leave her alone, the harder that would be. And she’d spoken the truth—at some point, she would have to function without him. He couldn’t be her personal bodyguard forever.

  She ate her bagel while he got dressed for work, then sat quietly with a towel wrapped around herself while Gavin bent over her, brow furrowed in concentration, to clean and medicate each scratch along her chest and neck. He insisted on wrapping the wounds in gauze. Kate felt ridiculous but had to admit it did feel better, less raw, when he was done.

  “I’m going to have to wear a turtleneck to cover all the gauze,” she frowned in the mirror.

  “Then wear a turtleneck.” Gavin kissed her cheek lightly.

  “I don’t like turtlenecks.”

  “Then don’t wear one. Maybe it’ll heighten Jack’s sense of guilt.”

  “You’re not really helping anymore,” Kate nudged him playfully. “Go to work.”

  “Yes ma’am.”

  “I’ll be there soon.”

  “Be careful.”

  “Yes sir.”

  She finally shooed Gavin out the door, locking it behind him when he was gone.

  “You’re going to have to toughen up into a guard dog,” Kate informed Ty. His tail thumped the floor happily. “That’s encouraging.”

  Kate studied her closet for a while before finding a tailored button-up that looked like it would hide the gauze best. The blue fabric looked good with her skin tone. She carefully picked out her favorite steel gray slacks to go with them then went in search of her best bra and panties. Even though no one was going to see them, she needed every confidence boost she could scrounge.

  With that in mind, she carefully applied her makeup and spritzed her favorite perfume in the hallway, walking through it to allow the mist to settle on her. She found her Nancy Sinatra black walking boots—which conjured a childhood memory of prancing around singing into a wire whisk—and finished the outfit off with her long, black leather duster. She could take over the world without breaking a sweat in this outfit, or at the very least face down her father without running away in tears.

  She glanced at the clock. The daily meeting would be over by now. They’d all be in their offices. It was as good a time as any. With one last goodbye treat for Ty, she marched out of her apartment and made her way to the part of SOMA that butted up against the Financial District. She went straight for the older building wedged in between the much larger modern ones. She didn’t pause to admire the brick exposed walls or big steel architectural retrofitting for earthquakes that had been so fascinating and so very… San Francisco the first time she’d seen them. She waved Jen off when the girl had tried to run interference and stalked straight back to Jack’s office. He looked up in surprise when she let herself in without so much as a knock.

  “Kate. You’re here,” he seemed distracted, tired.

  “Yes, I am,” she acknowledged the obvious. “We need to talk.”

  “Of course, have a seat,” he was more courteous than he had been in a while and Kate was instantly wary.

  “I’d prefer to stand.”

  “Very well,” he didn’t seem pleased by her response but didn’t argue. “The Chronicle sent you flowers. A lot of people sent flowers.”

  Kate looked around the office, noticing that vases of flowers covered many of the surfaces in both Jack’s office and her own across the hall. “Why?”

  “Mostly well-wishes. The Chronicle wanted to assure you they’ve fired Justin and that they would make any necessary restitution.”

  “Oh,” Kate wasn’t sure what to say to that.

  “Kate,” Jack took a deep breath. “They were very dismayed to learn you no longer worked here.”

  “Were they?” she raised an eyebrow.

  “More than a little put out, actually. I promised them I’d do what I could to convince you to stay.”

  “Is that so?” Kate wasn’t sure she could accommodate that.

  “My phone’s been ringing a lot, actually. Word spread pretty quickly of your departure it seems,” Jack glared across the hall at the three employees who very quickly busied themselves with something else.

  “Oh,” Kate stifled a grin. She should have known they’d do something. “Don’t worry, Jack. I don’t want the job.”

  “What? Why?” Worry creased his brow. “I don’t know that these people will take no for an answer.”

  “I’ll call the dogs off,” she promised. “Your precious magazine will be fine.”

  “But what about the Christmas party? Who’ll finish planning that… it’s only a few months away.”

  “Stop it,” Kate held up a hand. “Stop talking and just listen for a minute.”

  Jack took a deep breath as if to say something, but merely n
odded instead.

  “You reacted really poorly when my mother chose to have me. You made her choose between her baby and the man she loved and that was a heartless, selfish thing to do.”

  “I couldn’t have a baby then. I had school, no money…” Jack protested.

  “No, it’s my turn to talk.” Kate slapped her hand down on the desk in front of her. “Mom put herself through college with a baby. It wasn’t impossible. She chose to have me and still make it work. You didn’t even hear what she wanted; you never stopped to think about anyone but you. You broke her heart and left her to raise a baby on her own and you know it. You know you left me without a father.”

  “Kate, I…”

  “I used to let people like you, like Peter, tell me what I was worth. I used to wonder if I was the reason my mama didn’t have the things other mom’s had. I used to feel so guilty for… existing. I tried to balm the pain. I tried to fix it. But all I was doing was tightening the binds.”

  Kate paused, looking around the office she’d come to love over the past months. Heads suddenly ducked back to work as people realized her focus had shifted from Jack. She smiled half-heartedly and turned to look at Jack again.

  “I came because I wanted to know you. I guess part of me hoped you just hadn’t known about me, that some merry mix up had kept us from being a family. And God help me, Jack, I actually started to get attached to you—started thinking of you as my father. But you’re not. You’re a sperm donor and nothing more.”

  She let the bite of her words hang in the air for a moment, hardening her heart to the tears that hovered in the moss green eyes on the other side of the desk.

  “I don’t deserve the way you treat me Jack. I can’t help that looking at me makes you feel guilty. I love Jessica and Liz and—obviously—Gavin, but they’ll be part of my life even if I don’t work here. You’re not a part of my life, though. You made that choice, repeatedly. Now I’m making the choice to not let you hurt me anymore. Tell Tara I’ll find a way to still be friends with her, just give me some time.”

  With that, Kate turned and walked out of his office. Gavin was leaning in the door of their office, his eyes speaking volumes as they caught hers on the way past. She knew he’d be home soon, probably with Jessica and Liz not far behind him. Kate gave them all a little grin as she passed. She just had to get out the door without cracking. It wasn’t far at all, really.

  Kate was quite impressed with herself when she made it all the way down the street before the great, heaving sobs came. She’d meant what she’d said. Jack wasn’t her daddy in any of the ways that counted. She knew it and she would come to terms with it. But the dream of having a father to fill some of the big gaping hole left by her mother had died today and that hurt like crazy. The pain seemed to be clawing its way out of her soul and she struggled to breathe through the tears. She ignored the stares of strangers on that long walk home.

  Her life mattered to Ty. To Gavin. To Jessica and Liz. Her life had mattered very much to her mother. To Joan. This rejection would not end her. Still, a little tiny piece of her tucked away the hope that maybe someday, somehow, things would be right between them.

  Kate let herself into her apartment, greeting Ty with a hug. She fell to her knees before the large black trunk that acted as a coffee table and lifted the heavy lid. She took the photo albums out and spread them around her on the floor, shifting to a more comfortable position before opening the one nearest her. Now she had a face to put with the third person her mind saw every time she’d looked at these photos. Page after page of pictures of just her, or just her mother, or the two of them. She’d led a full life. A good life. But there had always been a hole. Kate had known it even if they’d never spoken the words.

  A piece of Danielle had always been reserved for the person missing from the pictures. Kate squeezed her eyes shut, willing away the image of Jack. So what if his eyes were like hers? So what if their mannerisms were the same? He didn’t want her and she couldn’t keep treating the memories of her life as incomplete without him.

  Kate opened her eyes, determined to see the pictures through a new lens. There was more than loss and empty spaces in front of her; there was love and laughter, too. Her mom had seen to that. And now she had Gavin promising her a future that would be anything but lonely. Kate could almost hear her mother now telling her, “Live it for all it’s worth, Katie girl…”

  Kate wasn’t sure how long she sat on her floor reliving memories. She must have dozed off, because one minute she was looking at a picture of her mother holding a birthday cake, the next Gavin was gathering her into his arms and reassuring Jessica and Liz that Kate was merely sleeping.

  “Hey, you,” she peeked up at him.

  “Hey, you,” he smiled tenderly at her. “You were great today.”

  “Really?”

  “Really,” he kissed the tip of her nose before helping her stand.

  “Oh, Kate, we’ve been so worried about you,” Jessica took that as her cue to step in for a hug.

  “We wanted to come over sooner, but Gavin said you’d be mad.” Liz hugged Kate the second Jessica released her.

  “He was right. I don’t want you guys doing anything rash because Jack and I can’t see eye to eye on this.”

  “It just feels wrong being there without you,” Jessica protested.

  “You’re expecting your first child. Liz is about to be a newlywed. You both need your jobs. I will be okay. I really will.”

  “Alright, enough of this for now. Go get freshened up. We’re going to Medjool tonight,” Gavin declared.

  “Should I know what that means?” Kate asked.

  “Great tapas. Middle Eastern flair. You’ll love it,” Liz reassured her.

  “I don’t think I’ll hang out for dancing,” Jessica told them. “But I’m in for dinner.”

  “Or we could just go to Foreign Cinema and you could get your nap in during dinner…” Liz teased.

  “Do you not like Foreign Cinema?” Kate wondered.

  “I can’t seem to stay awake during movies,” Jessica made a face at Liz. “I have no idea why.”

  “Like movie-induced narcolepsy?” Gavin grinned.

  “It’s not funny,” Jessica tried not to laugh along with him.

  “Wear a jacket,” Gavin urged. “I’ll try to get us a spot on the Skydeck.”

  Gavin was one of those people who usually gets what he wants. Kate was glad for that when she got her first 360-degree view of San Francisco from the Skydeck. It was breathtakingly beautiful. As Kate drank in the sight, she knew that come what may, this was her hometown. She had come to love this place that was like no other on earth. With Gavin’s hand on the small of her back and the city stretched out before her, the troubles of the past twenty-four hours seemed to fade.

  “So I’ve been thinking,” Kate struggled to put the random thoughts that had been dancing through her brain into coherent sentences to share with her friends.

  “Always a good idea,” Gavin teased as he poured her another glass of wine.

  “Anyway,” she paused to make a face at him. “I’m going to call Joan tomorrow. She’d mentioned needing some help with events at Blue Valley…”

  “You can’t move an hour away!” Jessica protested.

  “I’m not planning on going anywhere—unless Gavin wants to go back to London, but I had hoped to stay.”

  “I assumed we’d stay here,” he assured them.

  “Good,” Kate breathed a sigh of relief. “Anyway, I think I’m going to take up some contract work. I’ll be able to go on Gavin’s health insurance soon. I’ll tell Jack that if I can report to Tara, I’ll work the San Franciscan in as a client. I had a message from Alicia that her radio station is looking for an event planner… I know a certain photographer that I could probably stay busy planning shows for.”

  “I think that photographer would love for you to plan his shows,” Gavin scooped her hand up to kiss her knuckles.

  “You guys are too cu
te,” Liz wrinkled her nose prettily. “I mean it. Stop it.”

  “Sorry,” Kate yanked her hand away. “This week should really be all about you guys.”

  “Don’t remind me. I’m trying not to panic.” Liz rolled her eyes.

  “Who was telling me just last night to enjoy the engagement?” Kate reminded her pointedly.

  “You know it’ll be amazing,” Jessica reassured her. “And no matter what happens that day, when it’s all said and done, you’ll be married to the man you love. Remember that.”

  Chapter Nineteen

  “Remind me again why I’m doing this,” Liz fanned herself in a feeble attempt to not hyperventilate.

  “Because you love Derrick,” Jessica placed a firm hand on either of Liz’s shoulders and looked her in the eye.

  “And when this is all said and done, the two of you get to spend a week in Hawaii,” Kate reminded her hopefully.

  “You have worked too hard to let her derail you now,” Jessica’s jaw had a firm set to it Kate hadn’t seen before.

  “It’s just a few extra people,” Kate put another bobby pin in Liz’s veil. “Gavin’s setting out extra chairs now. I’ve already spoken to the caterer.”

  Kate left off that Gavin had written the caterer a rather hefty check to convince him to add roughly 50 people to the count the day of. He’d called it a wedding gift no one really needed to know about.

  “I can’t believe she just called people and invited them.” Liz’s breathing picked up again. “I mean, who does that?”

  “That was pretty low,” Jessica agreed sympathetically. “But don’t let it ruin your day. You’re too ravishing for that.”

  “This day is about you, not her,” Kate added, putting the final pin in place. “And you look amazing.”

  “You think?” There was a hesitance in her voice that Kate couldn’t understand.

  “Are you looking in the same mirror as me?” Kate laughed. “Look at yourself. You’re perfect.”

  And she was perfect. Her dark brown hair was pulled back loosely, escaped ringlets framing her face prettily. Her dark eyes shone bright; her alabaster skin was flawless. When she smiled shyly at the reflection, her dimples appeared to complete the picture. The sleek dress hugged her perfect form. She was the woman the rest of womankind loved to hate—curves where she needed them, slender where she was supposed to be.